[FIN] Confessions to Make (Fawndance/Tigersun)

[belloblossom]

Transferred over from discord - between Nym and belloblossom.

Fawndance: -sidles up to Tigersun- I caught this just for you, but then I got hungry too so... let's share?

Tigersun: peers down at her and then the kill, surveying her and then the other cats eating. "It's irresponsible to hunt for another specific cat currently," he began with, although his tone remained even. he slowly paned his gaze back to the kill pile, frowning. he hadn't eaten in awhile, actually, and a weak leader wouldn't help the clan. "However, if you don't mind the company...."

Fawndance: "Irresponsible, but not unwarranted. It makes the most sense to me that the leader should be among the first to eat - we're all fu--uhhh, we're all crowfood if you die, aren't we?" She sidles up to him, placing the gopher at his paws. "At least, I know I wouldn't be the same without you here." She smiles. "I never mind your company, Tiger. You can eat your portion now, I'll wait."

Tigersun: he looked from her, to the food, and then back to his still eating clan. “I can’t,” he finally sighed and shook his head, tail flicking towards her. “The leader eats last, and you’ve yet to even begun.” he settled onto his haunches and smoothed his chest fur, head held tall as he surveyed his clan and then returned his gaze back to Fawndance. “Is clan life what you expected? You’ve seemed to settle into hunting.”

Fawndance: "The ways of this Clan are still a mystery to me, Tigersun, and while I appreciate your dedication to your traditions... I'm not eating a bite of that until you do." She pushes the gopher towards him further. "So, either you can dig in, or I can find another of our Clanmates to eat this and we can both starve." She watched him for a long moment, to see how he might react. Would he think her disloyal or disobedient? She was adamant that the only cat that truly interested her here, would live. Or at least, they would both be hungry together. Following his gaze, she looked out onto his -- her clanmates. "It's an adjustment to be sure. I'm not sure entirely what I expected. Cats seem to be welcoming to me enough, so long as I bring prey in. I wish they'd get to know me beyond my hunting, though in these dire times that may be too much to ask of them yet." She turned her gaze back to Tigersun. "I would like to think that through this, you and I may become closer, too, in one regard or another."

Tigersun: he really should discipline her disobedience, shouldn't he? what would Sunseer do? likely reject her and give her a light but firm scolding, or perhaps even laugh her off with that good humored chuckle of his. did he want to be the leader who kept an iron paw, or did he want to connect with his clan? what was the right answer? "Fawndance," he began, his nose scrunching. what had damsonflower said to him before? something something... cats also had to have their hearts be cared for. perhaps, sometimes, it was okay to bend the rules if it boosted morale. besides, he didn't want to hinder her kind spirit, either. "Fine, if only you eat with me." he sighed softly and relented to her, bending down to eat a few quick and small bites as she talked. when she was done he took the chance to lift his head and gesture to the rest of the kill, indicating for her to eat. "They will come to know you soon," he assured, glancing back at his clan. "It's hard to connect when you're stomach is empty." _he seemed surprised as she redirected her focus on him, eyes widening slightly. "Of course. What leader would I be if I didn't take the time for you?"

Fawndance: Fawndance eyed the tomcat - no, not just a tomcat anymore, but the leader of her Clan and was ready to resign herself to some manner of consequence. Instead, he was the one who relented and she purred her satisfaction. She watched him, as though to make sure that he was eating and while she would've insisted that he eat more, she wasn't going to push any more that day. "I hope so," She mewed, lowering her muzzle to the prey remains. She raised her head after a few moments, swiping her tongue over her teeth. "What kind of leader..." She echoed slowly. "Tigersun, I... I'm sorry, how long are we going to keep up this charade?" She sighed. "I thought it was cute, at first, you playing hard to get, but my patience has a limit and I need to know: are you oblivious to my attempts to court you, or are you just not interested? Because I don't know how much longer I can wait in suspense for something to come of my attempts."

Tigersun: he had been grooming himself by the time she began eating, only to find himself freezing at her.... accusation? What? What was she saying to him? His eyes flicked up, his mouth closed, but his paw stayed in the air as he considered her with narrowed eyes. Charade? Court- was she trying to- since when? He reeled in place, eyes widening slightly as something clicked. It wasn't much, but he remembered her brief appreciation of his appearance in the beginning. Was that what she had meant? Was she.... the entire time? "Apologies," he paused, finally rising upright before pressing further. "I have not- I do not think-" he floundered, his ears flicking back in frustration. "I hadn't known," he answered, finally. And to be honest, he was frustrated at the indication he owed her a response if he had known. He wasn't that kind of cat- well, to be fair, he wasn't sure what kind of cat he was when it came to romance. He never had considered a life where he could have that, in fact, and now he felt so out of his element and confused... It was uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, Fawndance. I suppose you felt I was leading you on, but I truly had no idea of your intentions, whether you believe me or not. I've never- my life has been focused entirely on my clan, even from kithood. It's never been something I've considered an option, especially now." And yet, if he hadn't considered it could he truly reject the idea? "I hardly know you, truthfully. I-" Was he panicking? Was the strong and always poised Tigersun actually anxious, right this second? "I- I'm sorry. I just- I've never thought of anything other than this; my clan." He gestured around himself and her. "I- this is an entirely other world for me- why me? Why choose me to court?"

 

[belloblossom]

Fawndance found herself watching Tigersun closely, gaging his reaction. Had he really not known that she'd been flirting with him? All those compliments, joining his Clan - it had certainly been for more than a community, that was for sure and now... she was bringing him prey, against the Code, as he had told her earlier, and he still didn't fathom that he was special to her? Her tail tip flicked in the beginnings of irritation, she had thought that she was being obvious enough. How did Tigersun become the leader of a Clan if he was so thick-headed?

As he stumbled through his words, she found her nerves dissipating. She'd never seem him look so uncertain and for a moment, she felt bad for being the one to bring such a feeling upon him. It was true that her patience was coming to an end - she wanted to be acknowledged as more than a loner, more than a Clan mate and... and if it came out that he didn't care for her in that way... then she needed to figure out what she would do with her life next.

She was quiet for a long moment after he asked his question, but she didn't look away from him in that time. She considered it carefully, feeling that if she said the wrong thing now, that she would put some distance between them that could never be repaired. She felt so vulnerable - and he seemed so confused - this was a matter to be handled as gently as she would a newborn kit.

"Because you're home, to me." She confessed at last. "I... I was searching for a home, when you found me on the outskirts of your borders. I didn't have anyone I felt like I could belong with and then in struts this handsome tomcat with eyes that shine like tiny suns, going from trying to shoo me off your lands in one moment to telling me about your mountain home in the next. And... how it could be my mountain home, too. It was disorienting, but you were - and are - attractive, whether you know it or not. You had such a firm certainty in your voice, I felt that if I went wherever you were, that I could have a place where I could be valued."

Fawndance felt raw, like her stomach was exposed to creatures who would do her harm. This was all so sentimental, surely he would think her foolish? Or maybe she would continue to overwhelm him? Nervous claws kneaded into the dirt below. "And when I felt doubtful, you gave me time to think." She snorted in slight amusement. "In fact, after you left me for oh so long, you gave me quite a while to think. About connections and community, about how you never know what opportunities you're missing until after they've gone, and... about intuition. I felt like I should go find you, to be with you and to join your family. And I did, didn't I?" She grinned, remembering her entrance to the Clan territory and her introduction, though her smile wavered. Tigersun had barely seemed to remember her. Maybe that should've been indication that he had no interest in her, beyond another set of working paws.

"I don't think it's fate that we were brought together. I'm not implying this was all SunClan's plan or that our destiny is intertwined and that we were meant to be something more than a leader and a clanmate." She added, her eyes finally shifting away from his, uncertainty of her own getting the better of her. "But... you offered me a home, a family... and the choice to decide if I really wanted it and that made you special. And now... now I am asking to be apart of your family in a more intimate way, not just a Clanmate to you. I want to stand out from your other clanmates, but not for me, I want to stand out to you, Tiger." She turned round, blue eyes back to the tabby tomcat's. "You gave me time to decide, and I would like to return that consideration. I... I will ask you about this again, when the next new moon rises over the High Stones. I think that should be enough time for you to consider the matter I've put forth to you, or at least, enough time for you to decide if you're interested." She inclined her head towards him. "Is this agreeable to you?" @Nym

 

[Nym]

He waited. He waited for what felt like ages and then waited more. It gave him time to mull over his own twisting and turning thoughts, to which he had no answer by the time she finally began speaking. So he listened. He listened and then listened more, until she was finally done and her blue eyes landed on his squarely. Had he seen that expression before from her? That vulnerable hope that seized him in place and made him wish he had an answer for her. But he didn't, because how could he? How could someone who had molded their entire life around others know what they wanted for themselves?​

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He could continue making excuses. That was easier, wasn't it? To say he had no time or reason to think about anything else but MountainClan and let her on her way. It'd be easier, certainly. She could move on and find someone else -- someone who understood what they wanted and had something to offer her. He didn't know if he could ever even treat someone as well as they'd deserve. Being his mate meant they'd come second when it came between them and the clan. It meant that they'd spend some nights alone, or perhaps he might have to cancel plans or leave his mate behind if the clan needed him. Which, the clan always would need him. It had needed Sunseer and the leader before him, and now it needed Tigersun.​

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Could he really say he'd be a good mate to someone?​

Was that even something he wanted? ​

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But then, when he thought on it, he remembered how Morningsky and Sunseer had loved one another infinitely, and how Morningsky stood by her mate whenever she could. The nights her mate was busy she too followed by his side, and the moments when the clan grabbed for every free second from Sunseer she too shouldered the weight. That was love, if he had to guess. It had to be a hard thing to love the leader of a clan, but perhaps, with the right cat...​

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But was he the right cat for someone to love? ​

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He had listened to every word she said as he had his own inner dilemma rattling in the back of his head, and for a moment he felt a warmth flood through his chest. He hadn't considered how others might view him, but the comfort and safety she seemed to view in him made him happy. He had done something good, and now Fawndance had a home she could turn to. He had done that, and he swelled with pride at that thought, only to falter and crash back into uncertainty as he saw that look in her eyes. ​

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Could she- was she- who could Fawndance be to him, now that his eyes were open?​

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"I have not considered you in that light." It wasn't meant to be cruel, but he could gather that it might sting. Still, it was true. "Truthfully, I never have seen another cat in such a way, but I doubt I would have, if not for... now." ​

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He stared at her with curiosity and a tinge of uncertainty, but he wasn't done yet.​

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"I appreciate and accept your terms, if only you accept mine; every fifth day, after patrols, will you let me spend the rest of the evening with you? Just to... be together. Whether that be hunting, a meal, or whatever it is you wish. I do not think I can have a proper answer for you if I do not look at you with proper eyes, Fawndance." ​

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@belloblossom ​

 

[belloblossom]

Ah.

So he wasn't thick-headed or dense, he was just... uninterested. Sure, he went on to add that he'd never seen any cat in that way, but the words had still sliced into her rawness like claws into fresh kill. She willed herself to keep her gaze on his, to continue listening to what he had to say, instead of just being hurt and becoming defensive for it.

It was a good thing that she did, too, for he accepted her terms, but proposed his own. She perked her ears - he wanted to spend time with her? Every fifth night until the new moon... that would leave for at least three meetings, maybe four. She heard a soft rumbling purr emerge from her throat and she all, but beamed at the tabby cat.

"That sounds wonderful, Tigersun. Thank you for giving me the chance." She replied. "And... well, since I'm already here, and I have the rest of this gopher to eat, if you'd like, you're welcome to look at me with proper eyes now." She offered with a coy smile. No time to waste, she thought, and lowered her head to the prey, to finish what she had started... and to think about how she would prepare for their first meeting, on the upcoming fifth day from then. @Nym

(Finished)