- 1355
- #2
It hadn't gone unnoticed by Littleflower that her mother had stopped visiting as frequently since the clan had begun to settle in, although she wondered if her father shared the same observation. She had never once asked either living or dead parents if they still communed, but there had been a time when she had watched Morningsky head towards the leader's den and assumed it was to visit Sunseer. It made sense back then-- Morningsky spoke so fondly of her mate, followed often by a smile Littleflower would eventually understand was a gesture of her love for the male. It had been clear that Morningsky never moved past the life she had, and yet.. where had she gone?
Perhaps that was why Littleflower had found herself sitting within the Sunspot, peering out to the heavens above with a tooth digging into the inside of her mouth as she worried through her cheek. Truthfully, she was ready to accept that Morningsky might be ready to move on, but they hadn't yet said goodbye to one another. That, and, well... Littleflower couldn't shake that something might be wrong, either.
"Darling."
And there it was-- the sound of a voice she hadn't realized she so desperately missed. Littleflower whirled and faltered at the sight of her mother behind her, glowing a radiant bright light reminiscent of the sun itself. Littleflower's breath hitched, wavering into a low and relieved exhale.
"Mother."
She broke the distance between her and Morningsky with a short purr and settled neatly before the spirit, her tail tucking neatly around her paws. Morningsky smiled warmly, regarding her daughter fondly. Littleflower felt the pride seeping from Morningsky and, for a moment, she felt proud of herself in return. That was all she had wanted once upon a time; to make a parent proud.
"You seem lonely out here, on your own," Morningsky murmured softly, gesturing around them with a tilt of her head. Littleflower sighed softly and shrugged, rolling her shoulders as the tension lifted.
"A little. I was looking for you, actually. I've missed you."
Morningsky's smile lowered at the edges for just long enough that Littleflower could catch it. Ah, so she had been right; something was wrong.
"I am always watching over you, my sunflower, and I am so proud of who you've become. But I fear I meddle too much in the world of the living if I linger often."
"I'd wish you lingered more, honestly." Littleflower couldn't help the pout that touched her muzzle. It was nice to let her guard down enough to truthfully speak her thoughts. Her position within the clan left little room to be herself; everyone depended on her to have an answer, or be a shoulder to lean against. Her childhood had been stripped from her and she had grown before she should of, but it was here and with Morningsky when she could feel the most herself. Well- and Darkrose, although she was unsure if the she-cat returned the sentiment.
Morningsky laughed lightly and covered her mouth with a paw, her head shaking as she inhaled a chuckle.
"Then come here when the others are asleep; I will meet you here whenever you wish."
Littleflower sighed contently and nodded, her tail tip flicking behind her. "I will," she promised, followed by a tilt of her head. "And I'll bring father, too. I'm sure he'd like to spend time as a family."
"Oh," Morningsky hesitated, her ears lowering and head lowering, directed towards the ground in thought. Littleflower felt dread creep in her heart as realization dawned on her; it was about Sunseer.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Morningsky whispered, a sad smile touching her face. "I think he's moving on, or will be, and that's for the best-- isn't it? The living should be with their own kind; we watch over all of you and those feelings only strengthen in time, but for those we've left behind in our death..." She paused, head lifting towards Littleflower. "The living continue living--as you should--and eventually you'll move onwards in life. Your father has begun moving forward, past the life we've shared."
Littleflower couldn't pinpoint the sudden onslaught of hurt flickering through her chest. It shouldn't matter, logically. Morningsky had died before Littleflower could remember and she had never parented with Sunseer, but they had always been together in her mind. Sunseer had told so many stories of her mother, and he had always committed to his lost love. That had been her unconventional family, and Littleflower had always assumed they'd transcend life and death and be together. And now, suddenly, Littleflower realized her childish that had all been.
And yet it hurt. The thought her father would find someone else- be with someone else and likely move into the afterlife with them, while her mother was alone. Did cats date in SunClan? Was that even a thing? Or did they wait around for their loved ones and watch their families as they forgot them? No, that wasn't fair, either. Sunseer hadn't forgotten Morningsky, and expecting him to be alone wasn't fair, either, although-
When you knew upon death you'd be reunited, why would you spend the fleeting little time you have left alive to be with someone new instead of waiting to be eternally with the one you loved?
"Littleflower, that isn't fair."
Morningsky cut through Littleflower's thoughts with a stern frown and Littleflower wondered how much of what she thought had shown right on her face. Littleflower shook her head sheepishly and swallowed the pit in her throat. Morningsky sighed softly in return.
"Everyone copes differently. I can see you're upset, but please, do not be at him. Support him, as he has you. You have to be there for each other."
And she was right, Littleflower knew, but she couldn't agree with it. Besides, what if Morningsky was wrong? What if all of this was just assumptions? Regardless, it was clear her mother didn't want her to view Sunseer poorly if he did move on. If.
"I still think he'd like to be a part of your visits," Littleflower sighed gently. "You're making assumptions about how he feels, but either way, we're a family. We should get together more since we're fortunate enough that we can, unlike many cats."
The pause was thick and stretched between mother and daughter, leaving no room for either to voice their thoughts. It was a heavy subject, wasn't it? One might think it'd be easier to process grief when you could actually see the spirit of your loved one, but it only left a constant reminder of the limitations of that bond. Morningsky was there, but she wasn't-- she belonged somewhere else, waiting for her family and friends to join her on their own time. That was even more upsetting for Littleflower; the image of her mother witnessing her mate move on and knowing she had lost out on the time they would have had together, and yet understanding she had no right to demand otherwise.
Regardless, it still seemed ridiculous to Littleflower, knowing that they'd all return to SunClan someday. This time she knew it showed, as her mother frowned further upon looking at her.
"This wasn't why I wanted to see you, sunflower. I had hoped to hear about how you're doing, not worry about your silly old folks," she rumbled softly, the sound rolling into a gentle purr. The huff Littleflower wanted to expel caught in her throat, left on reserve for another time and day in favor of spending just a few precious more minutes with her mother.
So, she relented and returned the smile. She had so much to say, after all, and not enough time if she wanted a decent sleep for the night. And so the two remained there until the wee hours of the morning, sharing tales of lives past and hopes for lives to come. Littleflower left the meeting with a mixed heart; one heavy with the realization of the potential crack in her family and yet uplifted by the encounter with someone she had so desperately missed.
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