- 577
- #1
It would come to no one's surprise to hear that Palepaw was deeply and profoundly unhappy. Finding the river had only further dragged her heart into the pits, which was then dragged like a corpse by Branchtail and his cutting jabs. It wasn't as if she didn't know she was a burden to her clan as she was, nor was she naive enough to imagine others hadn't noticed her crippling despair. She had just thought that, maybe, eventually, the hurt would fade away and she'd feel at peace wherever her paws had taken her. It wasn't until the fight with Branchtail that she realized she was irrevocably wrong; there was no going back to before here.
It also wasn't as if she hadn't wanted it to get better, either. She resented that her agency had been taken from her, sure, but her family was with her. She had hoped that'd be enough -- it had to be enough. Poppypaw was also there, but perhaps her friend and lifelong crush finally choosing a mate had also dug that claw into her wound just a little more. And then there was her mother, who barely interacted with her anymore and held a crushing weight on her shoulders whenever their eyes lingered on one another for too long. Nothing felt right, and it had begun to pile and pile and pile, until there was nothing left but a crushing screech of agony in Palepaw's chest.
She couldn't do this anymore.
So she wouldn't.
It didn't matter where the group went, or where their hearts took them. There was nothing here for her anymore; no place or cat for her to call home. Home was elsewhere, and no amount of angry shouts or desperate pleas could change that realization. She couldn't walk around as an empty husk any longer, and she refused to find new roots to wallow within. MountainClan needed her, and she needed it, whether or not that ended up hurting the others. She had to pick herself, for once, and follow the path she wanted.
The issue lay in how she'd leave -- she was clearly weak when it came to her family and they'd surely start another scene. It would likely be better on Deadeye if she left without causing another riot. It'd hurt her mother, but... maybe she could try and dull that pain as much as possible. Leaving when everyone was asleep might theoretically be doable, but she often slept near Poppypaw, who would likely stir the moment Palepaw rose. So then what was the other choice? Leave when everyone wasn't looking, perhaps? When the clan was thoroughly and utterly distracted? Without a single goodbye?
Yes, it'd have to be that way, wouldn't it? She knew the way back, and had meticulously been counting each step and noting every tree and rock as if her life depended on it. She snorted at the irony of it all; her life had depended on it, she just hadn't known how or in what way. She hated the drama of it all, and how Branchtail would likely gloat and Poppypaw would probably cry. She hated that he was right, and that she'd be hurting those who cared for her, but Palepaw was done pretending. She was dramatic, and she was hurting everyone, but she needed to live her truth eventually. She just hoped SunClan would aid her in her journey and lead her back home, where she belonged.
Last edited: