[SOLO] Perchance to Dream (Salmonstripe)

[belloblossom]

Salmonstripe had led a very complicated life, but things were finally beginning to settle down and feel as right as they did for, presumably, every other cat around her. Salmonstripe had always felt as though she was the odd one out of her family. With so many siblings from both of her mothers and her mothers so completely in love with each other Salmonstripe had often felt like she was overlooked by her family. Of course she felt loved, but she had the nagging suspicion that love came because "she was her mothers' kit" and less because she was a lovable cat on her own. When it came time to leave MountainClan, she had been hopeful that she might find some better purpose in her life, but instead, she'd just followed her family and continued to walk in their shadow all the way to new territory by the river. Then, before anything was set in StoneClan, she had a burst of independence - she needed to be away from her family in order to grow as her own individual cat! She needed to step out from beyond their shadow, she couldn't just stay with them because it was her usual!

So she had left to find herself, ironically, in LostClan. Only, the only thing she found there was loneliness. She didn't have a single cat she felt as though she could confide in - no family and any former MountainClan members were so wrapped up in their own lives that she felt she couldn't possibly intrude on them. Still, she'd made her decision to leave her family in StoneClan and join LostClan, she couldn't very well change her mind again. Besides, would her mothers even welcome her back? Would Sunseer and Skysong? Or would she be labeled as a traitor? Worried about staying and worried more about leaving, Salmonstripe stayed in LostClan and tried to make the best of her situation.

Her best, which she would realize much later would be closer to "her mediocre", had resulted in her union with Aspenswirl, a kind tomcat who made her laugh with his silly expressions and witty banter. She was never in love with him, but she would always be grateful that he'd given her three beautiful kits - all of who were warriors now: Honeytooth, Burnetdew and Fennelfur. She had told him that they could parent the kits, but that she wouldn't be able to pursue the relationship any further. Over time, she'd stopped talking to him altogether. The last words she exchanged with him were during a patrol that she and Sequoia had attended with him, only to hear that he'd gone to the medicine cat's den after their patrol. She always assumed that he'd get better, but he didn't... he died and without SunClan watching over LostClan, it was any cat's guess to where his soul might be wandering now. Without SunClan taking in the cats of LostClan, did Aspenswirl just... disappear? How long would he be remembered before cats in LostClan, storytellers though they may be, would ever remember what he looked like?

It was after his death that Salmonstripe truly became distant from others. She would be present with her kits, her beautiful, precious kits, but when she went on patrols without them, the emotion would fade from her eyes and she found herself wandering further and further away from her patrol groups. She eventually stopped going on patrols with others altogether and one day had wandered away into the pines so far that she could barely smell the border scent markers. If she'd made different decisions throughout her life, would her mothers have been more proud of her? Would Aspenswirl still be alive, maybe with a mate who truly loved him for who he was? Would she somehow have been able to learn truly who she was had she stuck it out in StoneClan, or maybe... maybe her biggest mistake was leaving her birthplace in MountainClan... maybe she should have died there with the elders.

It was on this deeply emotional, one-cat patrol, that she'd bumped into another she-cat. A she-cat who looked like she dropped right out of the cloudy sky, which was always hard to see now that LostClan lives in the gloomy shadows of the pine forests. A she-cat with beautiful eyes and a charming floppy ears and a smile so bright that it had chased the darkness away in Salmonstripe's mind.

And, as it would turn out, Sky would continue to do that to any darkness of Salmonstripe's mind. Now Skyheart and Salmonstripe's mate, she was always at Salmonstripe's side, to scare away the bad dreams and bring good memories in their place. Salmonstripe, determined to be better for her mate (though Skyheart seemed to believe Salmonstripe couldn't get any better) took things slow and began to work on herself in earnest. It was less about what cat she was and what she wantred to be and now, she had the hopes that she could get there.