- 445
- #101
Palepaw felt her spine twitch as she heard that tone. Slowly, with great effort, she turned and locked eyes on her mother, her own ears flattening. She hated this feeling -- absolutely hated knowing she was hurting her family and that her own mother was trying desperately to hold it in long enough to try and reason with her. Grief struck Palepaw as she watched her mother and spotted her father leaping to her side.
And then she just listened.
Her mouth tightened as her mother told their story, fighting every urge to speak. She knew. She knew. Well, as much as any apprentice not from those times could. What truly bothered her was the focus on Littleflower -- did they really think she was doing this to be like the medicine cat? It was a cool story, sure, but she wasn't trying to follow the steps of an idol, she just wanted the same respect Littleflower had been given when it came to her choice.
Her choice.
"It's not like I don't know I can die," she answered, voice wavering. She hadn't once argued with Deadeye directly. She was a good kid. Still... "The famine never ended when we were born, the clan just got better at hiding the bodies. I understand what I want to do is dangerous. That it might very well send me to Sun Clan before the month is over. And I'm sorry, mama, that you were hurt when you were just trying to help the clan."
She paused, still nervous as she stared down at her parents. "But I can't avoid something because I can die, or get hurt. That isn't me. I could very well die on the trip leaving here, too. I could die a horrible and painful death either way, but one way wouldn't make me feel like I wasted an opportunity. I'm old enough to know what I want to die for."
She hated everything leaving her mouth. It wouldn't comfort her sister, or her parents. Hell, it wasn't even comforting herself. But it was true and honest.
"I feel like this is my calling." And if she was wrong she'd be the first to angrily stomp around as a ghost and damn her decisions. But, either way, she knew she would never move on from the grief of not following her heart. What could she have done if she just stayed with the rest? That'd echo forever, and while she was young she wasn't dumb. She knew herself.
"I know this isn't what either of you wants," she added, nodding to both her parents softly. "And I love you very much. I'm sorry."
@Tigeria